Marry the Right person for you

 Do you want to marry? Be informed

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    Marriage is a profound commitment, a journey where two lives intertwine, not just in the highs of romance but in the realities of everyday life. It’s a sacred bond that goes beyond emotion; it’s about partnership, trust, shared goals, and spiritual alignment. Before stepping into this lifelong covenant, it’s essential to discern wisely. Here’s a comprehensive reflection on what to look for before marrying someone, blending both the spiritual and practical aspects.

1. Shared Faith and Values

    At the core of a healthy marriage is alignment in faith and values. This doesn’t necessarily mean both partners need to practice the same religion, but there should be a common ground in fundamental beliefs. If faith is central to your life, does your potential partner honor and respect it? Do you share similar spiritual practices or a mutual understanding of life's purpose? Values encompass everything from how you view family, work, money, service, and integrity. Misaligned values can lead to conflict, while shared values lay a solid foundation.

Practical Tip: Have open discussions about what you believe, what you prioritize, and how you see the world. Are your moral compasses pointing in the same direction?

2. Emotional Maturity

    Marriage requires navigating not only the beautiful moments but also the storms. Emotional maturity involves being able to handle emotions constructively, take responsibility for actions, and communicate effectively. A mature partner can face conflict with a willingness to listen, learn, and grow. They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses, and they do not shy away from accountability.

Practical Tip: Observe how they handle stress, disagreements, and setbacks. Do they approach problems with a level-headed mindset, or do they react impulsively?

3. Ability to Communicate Openly and Honestly

    Effective communication is the backbone of any relationship. This goes beyond the ability to have long conversations—it’s about being vulnerable, honest, and open. Before marrying someone, ensure you can both share your thoughts, needs, desires, and fears without judgment or dismissal. A healthy relationship has a balance of speaking and listening, where both partners feel heard and valued.

Practical Tip: Pay attention to how you both handle communication now. Are difficult topics avoided, or are they approached with understanding and respect?

4. Respect and Admiration

    Respect is the bedrock of love. It means valuing each other’s opinions, admiring each other’s strengths, and treating each other with dignity—even in disagreements. If you don’t deeply respect the person you’re considering marrying, it can lead to disdain and resentment over time. Admiration isn’t about idealizing the person; it’s about recognizing their worth and appreciating their unique qualities.

Practical Tip: Notice how you speak to each other and about each other. Is there an underlying tone of honor and appreciation? Do you admire their character and how they treat others?

5. Friendship as a Foundation

    A strong friendship is essential for a lasting marriage. Infatuation and passion may ignite a relationship, but a solid friendship sustains it. Can you laugh together, enjoy each other’s company in silence, and rely on each other as true friends do? Friendship means you genuinely like each other, beyond the romantic attraction, and you’re comfortable being yourselves without pretense.

Practical Tip: Assess your relationship beyond romantic gestures. Are they the person you would choose to spend your days with, even if romance weren’t in the picture?

6. Aligned Life Goals and Vision

    Marriage is a partnership, and like any successful partnership, having a shared vision is critical. This means being aligned on where you see yourselves in the future—family plans, career aspirations, financial goals, living arrangements, and lifestyle choices. Conflicts often arise when partners assume they are on the same page without explicitly discussing their future together.

Practical Tip: Have deep conversations about your dreams, plans, and what you envision your life to look like five, ten, or twenty years down the road. Is there harmony, or are there conflicting expectations?

7. Financial Compatibility

    Money can be a significant source of tension in marriages. It’s not just about how much each partner earns but about their approach to money—saving, spending, and budgeting. Financial compatibility includes understanding each other's financial habits, debt, spending priorities, and the willingness to work together to create a financial plan.

Practical Tip: Be transparent about your financial situations and have open discussions about your financial habits and expectations. Can you develop a shared financial plan, or do you clash on money matters?

8. Conflict Resolution Skills

    Every couple will face disagreements. The key is not to avoid conflict but to manage it healthily. The way you and your partner resolve conflicts can reveal much about the stability of the relationship. Look for someone who doesn’t resort to blaming, shaming, or manipulating during disagreements but instead strives to understand and find solutions.

Practical Tip: Observe past conflicts you’ve had. Were they resolved constructively? Did you come out of them feeling understood and respected, or hurt and disconnected?

9. A Heart for Forgiveness

    Marriages require a willingness to forgive—daily. No one is perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. Holding onto grudges can create deep wounds that fester over time. A heart inclined toward forgiveness, combined with the ability to sincerely apologize, brings healing and renewal to the relationship.

Practical Tip: Reflect on whether your partner can apologize and genuinely forgive. Are they quick to hold onto past wrongs, or do they demonstrate a willingness to move forward with grace?

10. Mutual Support and Encouragement

    Marriage is about supporting each other’s dreams and well-being. A good partner should want the best for you, cheering you on in your successes and comforting you in your struggles. Mutual support doesn’t mean giving up one’s individuality but rather uplifting each other toward individual and shared goals.

Practical Tip: Consider how your partner reacts when you succeed or face challenges. Do they celebrate with you and provide encouragement, or do they seem indifferent or competitive?

11. Willingness to Grow Together

    No one remains the same forever. Life will bring changes, and your partner should be someone who’s willing to grow with you. A willingness to learn, adapt, and evolve together is crucial. A rigid, unchangeable partner may struggle with the inevitable shifts that life brings, but someone open to growth can navigate those shifts positively.

Practical Tip: Look for a partner who seeks self-improvement, who’s willing to learn from mistakes, and who is open to change for the betterment of the relationship.

12. Deep Trust

    Trust isn’t built overnight, and it is the glue that holds a relationship together. This means trust in their fidelity, in their integrity, and in their commitment to you. Trust is tested over time and through circumstances, but it’s crucial to feel secure in the person you’re about to marry.

Practical Tip: Evaluate your level of trust in the relationship. Have they shown themselves to be reliable and consistent in words and actions?

In essence: Love Beyond the Feelings

    Marrying someone means committing to love them through every season—beyond the butterflies, beyond the struggles, and into the unknown future. It’s a promise to grow together, to support each other’s dreams, and to navigate the challenges of life hand-in-hand. Take the time to discern wisely. Pray, seek counsel, and do not rush. The beauty of a lasting, fulfilling marriage is worth the investment of time, effort, and deep reflection. Remember, the decision of whom to marry will shape the course of your life—so choose with a discerning heart and a prayerful spirit.

What’s Your Experience? Feel free to share your thoughts or questions below. Marriage is a journey, and we all have unique insights to bring to the conversation. Let's grow together in understanding what makes a marriage thrive!

Silas Kiriinya

The blogger is a highly respected Consultant Counseling Psychologist with extensive experience in the field of mental health. If you need support or guidance, feel free to reach out via email at amazoncounselingservices@gmail.com.

#Towards thriving mindset#